I'm Not a Genie

Growing up I had an affinity for genies.  I loved watching I dream of Genie and was fancied by the blue genie in Aladdin. I recently realized that for the majority of my life I was living like a genie.

Like a genie, my life was devoted to the people who came into my life. I would ask myself how I could best serve them. What I could do to make them happy.  I worked tirelessly to grant wishes, even if they didn't align with my own. I thought life revolved around pleasing the people around me. And as every genie knows, it is impossible to please everyone at once. I found myself in a balancing act between acting one way around some and another way around others. My true self was lost somewhere in the middle. It was exhausting. The funny part is that I actually thought that was how life was supposed to be. I actually thought that the solution to my own unhappiness was seeking to make others happy. I had glimpses of true freedom- the moments where I would say no and set boundaries, and the times where I would listen to my intuition rather than the whirls of opinion. But the sense of obligation I felt often overpowered that truth. I had a false sense of happiness, peace, and love. One where I was bound to others in such a way that I had lost my self.


I now know true freedom. One where I don't need people to tell me they love me to feel love. I don't need others to accept me to feel acceptance. I don't need anyone to physically comfort me to feel comforted. I don't need to depend on others to feel genuine happiness.  I am free. Limited only by the limitations I think to be true.

That little lamp, that old way of thinking and behaving, is too small for the abundance of love, serenity, and abundance that now fill my life. I am grateful to finally be free.

Life

Today is a significant day. Today is a day to celebrate life. To celebrate all the joy, serenity, and compassion that fills this world. Today is a day to appreciate all the feelings of sorrow and fear. The feelings that give us the opportunity to grow beyond what may be holding us back.


Today is another day to choose life.


Seven months ago Dad passed. My heart has felt empty, my body heavy, my mind flooded in chaos. Every day since has been a journey to repair myself, to fill the gaps and release the fears, to make myself feel whole. At the beginning of that journey I found that wine released my mind, and that marijuana relaxed my body. As time went on I realized that what I thought was helping me was actually taking away from my own life. I was seeking instant, outside relief that was doing more harm than good. Like remodeling an old home without tending to the weak foundation. It may look okay from the outside, but it is sure to collapse with time.


Yet I have found the strength and courage to face my fears. To actually look inside and work towards healing myself one day at a time. It has been challenging. But in life, overcoming a challenge is what brings the richest rewards. Through breathing exercises, meditation, yoga, and prayer I have began to and continue to heal. Every day is a new day to continue practicing my life. Every day is filled with moments where I choose life.

Today is a significant day. As is every day. Let us cherish what we have and gather the courage to work towards what we want.

May we all be blessed with life.